Friendship...The Pillar of Respect

Beautiful Monday to you- isn't this weather just glorious? I am hoping that the cheeriness of it is putting a little spring into your step and blessing you as you begin another brand new week.

Today, we are continuing the theme of Friendship that we began last week, looking at the third Pillar of Friendship - Respect. Respect can often be the most neglected aspect in any friendship, simply due to over-familiarity and lack of consideration - and although we are specifically speaking of intimate friendships here, we can, (sadly) actually see this form of neglect quite often played out in marriages.

Respect means "to honour, to esteem, to show consideration for". To "honour" a friend means that we "give place" to them - finding a way of relating to and enjoying them that gives them place. When the Pillar of Respect is neglected, it most often occurs because we have our own needs primarily in mind - of course, this attitude of the heart may never be actually voiced as such, but it does speak loudly through our actions. Sometimes it occurs through simple exuberance of spirit, we are excited about something and just have to call our friend and tell her! There is nothing quite like a sister to enter into our joy with us! I have done this on many occasions, so I am not telling you something that I am so far above I can't relate...with my personality, it is something that I just have to keep an eye on - being mindful in my friendships -thoughtfully considering my sisters and being respectful of their time and their commitments; being purposeful in not becoming a drain on their time, or energies - or simply just bursting in on them at inopportune times! Now I am all for spontaneity, it adds the zest to life - but if inconsideration of others begins to characterize your attitudes in friendship...it has become a problem.

If we purposely set out to treasure our friendships as valuable, we will tenderly care for them; honouring their place in our life and showing consideration for them in a variety of ways - this can be through thoughtful gifts or acts of service, cards of appreciation, a bouquet of flowers, or a phone call just to let them know that we are thinking of them.... All given for no other reason but that your friend is a valuable treasure that you appreciate, esteem and give value to in your life and that you delight in honouring them, "giving them place".

Now, having said all that there is one thing to keep in mind here and that is that how we respect and honour ourselves will often translate into how we respect others. I touched on this in a comment I made on the May 19th entry, "Friendship, A Lovely Garden", where I wrote, "...because the foundation of any thriving garden is good soil, one thing that I have learned to do over the years in preparation to receive those that the Lord brings into my life is based on Matthew 22:37-40. Loving God with all my heart, soul, strength and mind and loving others as myself. Here's the thing...I have had to learn to love myself! Not introspective, naval gazing, but honoring the woman that God has created me to be, learning to be gracious towards myself. Girls, I have by no means arrived...this is a definite discipline that I fail at constantly, but God is gracious towards me...He is my example in this! If we will do this simple thing we will find ourselves truly honoring others as the people God created them to be and extending grace to them..."

There have been times in my life where I would never have spoken to another human being the way that I spoke (self talk...a whole other series!) to myself, times when I paid no heed to how tired I was or how overwhelmed I had become, when I was not gracious towards myself by simply honouring how God created me. This was just plain unhealthy, and that was in relationship with myself for heaven's sake!

The blessing of healthy friendship with others is what we see in Acts 28:10, where we see Paul, after landing on the island of Malta, enjoying the "extraordinary kindness" of the islanders, and after spending a number of days with them, blessing them and being blessed in return, he writes in v.10, "and they also honoured us with many marks of respect; and when we were setting sail, they supplied us with all we needed." This is respect in the best possible light. The blessing was on both sides.

I pray that your most intimate of friendships holds this precious two-fold blessing.

Now, I am off to pick me up some dining room chairs - I'll let you know how I make out!